Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
