Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
