Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
