You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
