absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
