Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
