everyone is single if you try hard enough
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
