oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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