Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
