he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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