I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
