you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
