My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
