"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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