what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me