he puts the penis in happiness.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?