this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.