it's great music for shaving your balls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
