PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
