If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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