i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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