I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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