Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
