wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
