I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
