can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
