scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
