Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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