I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
