He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
