Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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