i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
