My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
