is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
