put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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