I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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