awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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