Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize