I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
