My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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