so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize