um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
