My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
