He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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