3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
