Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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