please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
