Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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