Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
