well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
