Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My ass is underappreciated
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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