I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
