At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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