i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
