For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
