im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
