I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
