last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
