nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
