I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
